This title is just for show

I hate the A levels. Its making me do what i hate doing, its making me stressed because of my own expectations - talk about self conflict. I feel so shitty doing my IS, slogging it out and destroying my brain cells. It takes so much effort just to write those 3000 words. The first 500 already took like 15 hours or so of studying,reading,researching, like wtf! my dotaing hours are limited to like from 1am to 3am and i've practically no more time for other games that are very much worth playing. Not to mention i haven't even started studying for my common tests. And all the competitions are coming and i have to spend time training as well. What a F-ing sad life. Well at least my concept of sad is like some other people's concept of happiness. Scant consolation. And F!!! I think i pissed matthew off today. Because i told edmund something about matthew and edmund asked matthew and matthew inferred that it was me and he slammed me. yeah literally slammed me in 1 msg. This is one of the few times that i actually feel remorse. I should have immediately seen that it was quite a sensitive topic, given that he almost never spoke of it till recently and treated it like a taboo, not even as a joke which i took it to be. Especially when it concerns his image and the image of the affected parties, in quite a severe sense, i should not have told edmund and given an impression of having extremely loose lips. Yet in my ignorance i went ahead. So funny, in retrospect, that i always realise the gravity of the situation RETROSPECTIVELY. As the word suggests, it is not of much use except to learn it as a lesson for the future. Which probably will not sink in deep enough for me not to folly again. I need to be more sensitive, yet my carefree spirit tells me otherwise. carefree or careless?

Today is not a good day

My first post of 2009!
i won't waste too much time dallying, because there's friggin chemistry homework,biology homework,mathematics homework, KI IS Proposal, Chem and Bio trial SPA, geog and KI readings to be completed.

come to think of it, its been a long time since i started this blog. how i wish my worries were as mundane as they were then...muscle ache,fatigue,plain tiredness.seems like child's play now.sleeping at 1am everyday, waking at 5.30am,reaching home at 8.30pm everyday,life's become kinda boring.

Every now and then i have to blast people, especially the canoeing girls team, for all sorts of reasons. I think they hate me. Its too bad, too sad. Life is harsh. Why? Because life is not based on lies but truths. Truth is harsh, especially to some people, especially to girls. They seek to hide,to put aside,to carelessly scatter around bits and pieces of information which hurt them, pretending that all will eventually be swept away by the random gust of wind. Truth is, there is no wind. It will all pile up and get messier..dirtier. Harder to clean up.

Nj canoeist, its not just about training. Its not just the team. Its not about studies. Not what i thought it to be.
~ITS EVERYTHING~

UPDATE: 25 chin ups coincidentally happens to be my current standard, although i hit 35 a few months ago. Became the capt. on a whim of the boss, then got demoted to vice cos i stood against him one fine day...not too unhappy about it though :) Can run quite fast but not that fast,still hate running. Can row 1.58 for 500m :) Became slightly more 'trimmed'. Grew minute amounts of muscle. Gained 10% muscle definition. Became desensitized to scoldings, trainings, emo messages, fatigue. Did so-so in promos, made myself the public enemy of the canoeing girls :(
even Mr. low thinks that im ahem.....too much. Yea yea i should be more sensitive, i guess.