This title is just for show

I hate the A levels. Its making me do what i hate doing, its making me stressed because of my own expectations - talk about self conflict. I feel so shitty doing my IS, slogging it out and destroying my brain cells. It takes so much effort just to write those 3000 words. The first 500 already took like 15 hours or so of studying,reading,researching, like wtf! my dotaing hours are limited to like from 1am to 3am and i've practically no more time for other games that are very much worth playing. Not to mention i haven't even started studying for my common tests. And all the competitions are coming and i have to spend time training as well. What a F-ing sad life. Well at least my concept of sad is like some other people's concept of happiness. Scant consolation. And F!!! I think i pissed matthew off today. Because i told edmund something about matthew and edmund asked matthew and matthew inferred that it was me and he slammed me. yeah literally slammed me in 1 msg. This is one of the few times that i actually feel remorse. I should have immediately seen that it was quite a sensitive topic, given that he almost never spoke of it till recently and treated it like a taboo, not even as a joke which i took it to be. Especially when it concerns his image and the image of the affected parties, in quite a severe sense, i should not have told edmund and given an impression of having extremely loose lips. Yet in my ignorance i went ahead. So funny, in retrospect, that i always realise the gravity of the situation RETROSPECTIVELY. As the word suggests, it is not of much use except to learn it as a lesson for the future. Which probably will not sink in deep enough for me not to folly again. I need to be more sensitive, yet my carefree spirit tells me otherwise. carefree or careless?